Well here it is, the beginning of what will surely be, one of my greatest works: A blog about Poop. These adventures are the reason I have gray hairs sprouting on my head, wrinkles on my forehead, and the ever extending laugh lines on my cheeks. These stories are the ones that I pass on to you, my readers. All my inspiration and experience comes from my 3 kids, Jade Marie (10), Eleanore Leigh (4) and my S.U.N, Wyatt Clyde (18 months).

I guarantee that I will use foul language in this blog, (who doesn't when we talk about the silly shit our kids do??) so if you're easily offended, you can put your finger on the screen and miraculously skip over my curse words. They're only verbs right?

These are the Poop Chronicles, for your laughing pleasure my friends and family...

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Onsies: My Nemisis

I have forgotten how nasty a newborn diaper can get. Recently, I've had to alter my diet severely due to my little s.u.n's sissy-lala stomach issues. In "the books" it says that garlic, onions, broccoli, and hoppy beer can give newborns gas and make them extra fussy. Well, they forgot to mention dairy. So not only can I NOT have any of the above, every time I have a glass of milk or some cheese (or CHOCOLATE even), after the next feeding, Mr. W goes to a whole new level of newborn shit status. Usually, his little mustard bomb poops are coming out of the sides, but throw in some dairy and we have it coming out heading north, south, east AND west.

Thank goodness they don't smell.

And What The Fuck is up with dressing newborns in onsies??! I thought I loved them. I don't anymore. Have you ever tried to change a 7 week old, whose just blown the biggest crap that it's at the nape of his neck, out of a damn onsie??? How do I NOT get it in his hair??? Legs?? Arms?? Even face!? I know what you're thinking...how does it get on his face? Oh trust me. It can, and will, and does. He has no control over his pudgy little arms and legs. So he's cooing at me because FINALLY, he's got some relief from his little gassy stomach and blown some major ass. Those little cute hands and feet are a damn nuisance. While I'm trying to get the shit stained onsie off of him, he's doing the wiggliy-piggily dance...so of course, poop everywhere! I've wondered if he's ready for a bigger diaper...but recently we tried a size 2 and he was swimming...so we're sticking with 1's and Huggies for sure, they leak the least.

cant type one handed...will continue poo rant later :)